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Introducing Lotty Roberts
Meet Lotty Roberts...
Through her business, ‘Mind U’, Lotty helps both companies and individuals use mindfulness to navigate change. Her past career focused on implementing transformation and leadership in the corporate world. But after a spell of burn out, Lotty took time off to think; and ‘Mind U’ was created.
Lotty also hosts ‘The Vulnerability Effect’ podcast. Interviewing people, sharing their stories of vulnerability with the purpose of showing how it can be a point of strength and connection.
A self described over-achiever, and long distance runner, Lotty has also overcome the challenge of recovering from a double hip replacement.
What was your vision when you first started your venture?
My business is called MiND.U (pronounced mind you). I left my previous job, taking time to think about what I wanted to do next. I knew it would be connected to mindfulness as I was training as a mindfulness-based stress reduction teacher. In my past career I was really passionate about change and facilitation. I loved being a catalyst for positive change and transformation in others. But I didn't know what that would look like. I certainly hadn't thought I would start my own business. I did what was very unusual for Lotty. I just slowed down and did nothing to see what would pop up. I was in Bali at the time, and decided to start my own company. I updated my LinkedIn profile and straight away somebody approached me to talk at an event with their senior leaders. I agreed and they said, “it's in nine days time”. That’s how I started.
I’ve learnt a lot about leadership and change. I have also made a lot of mistakes. This has shown me how I can be of service to people independently, rather than working as part of an organisation. Normally I'm a real planner. A lot of my career was focused on vision, being intentional and putting it into words and goals. Instead, I did something that was quite counterintuitive. I decided to just dabble for a while. I was fortunate enough that we could survive on my husband's salary. So, I had the freedom to discover what I wanted to do with my business. I knew I wanted to help people navigate change. What evolved is how I help people with their self-reflection and mindfulness. Guiding them to be more present in their life.
I like to say, “Mindfulness and change go together like cheese and crackers”. Change done well is Mindfulness in action. This stood out to me as being a little different, but really useful to help people and organisations land change better.
Everything I do has different aspects. I do a lot of work around emotional culture, independent mindfulness work, coaching, change and mindful leadership courses. Although these seem quite different, they all achieve the same thing. To help people navigate change. Change is the one thing you can't stop, it happens all the time.
A beautiful quote I love by Jon Kabat-Zinn, “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf”. I like to think that I'm helping others learn to surf those waves of change. Sometimes they might be doing crazy, awesome flips. Sometimes surfing those waves of change is just literally clinging to the board. It's not about everything being fluffy. How can you stay on the board through the bad? It doesn't need to be pretty. It's just about survival. So, whether it’s helping people to perform their best or navigating adversity, that's my purpose and how I’m of service.
How did you deal with early setbacks?
I've been really, really fortunate, I don't think I've had any major setbacks, but perhaps it’s a matter of perception. Starting your own business is a journey of discovery. What I've learned is it’s normal to feel a bit bipolar. Some days are awesome; clients book in, you meet some amazing, inspiring people or you create something from scratch and feel so proud. There's nothing like those days, they are amazing. And then you have days where you feel like no-one is interested, you feel a sense of lack, feeling not feeling good enough (that old Chestnut!) and that it is all so tiring. All you see is other people doing really well and you don’t feel you are doing as well as them.
What has been really useful for me is being really aware of what’s going on as it arises. I notice, “There’s that self doubt again” or “Oh, there's that judgment”. Whether it be judgment of myself or judgment of other people. I've learned I'm somebody who's always had quite high expectations for myself and others and expectations are disappointments waiting to happen. So when I really started to become aware that when there are setbacks, it's not going to last. I notice the thoughts are coming up from that setback. I try to be with them and ride it out. I’ve done a lot of work on myself to not beat myself up.
I got to a point where I was burned out in my career because I was too much of a try-hard, always trying to be perfect, driven by the ego. That was when I started my business. I have had setbacks like a double hip replacement and divorces but they all ended up being points of growth for me. This is why I'm really passionate about the subject of vulnerability, being with the emotions and thoughts and seeing what you can learn. So the other thing that I do on the side (I’ve got lots of side hustles for the Wellington hustlers!), is run a little podcast called the Vulnerability Effect. It has been running for about 18 months now. I interview people around their stories of vulnerability and what they think about it, with the purpose of seeing vulnerability as a point of strength and connection. When we don't face our vulnerability, it can really compromise our mental health.
A few years ago I would have in no way liked to be seen as vulnerable. I was asked to speak at a mindful leaders conference and to share my story. I realised I can't stand up on that stage and talk about my journey without sharing the mistakes I've made. Until then I'd always wanted to show up as shiny and awesome. I knew I had to be real, honest and true to myself. I had been in leadership a long time, but I don't think I was always a great leader. I pushed other people as hard as I pushed myself and I broke, so I could've have nearly broken them. I possibly wasn't the best listener. I wasn't sometimes the most present. I shared all these things on that stage. I felt physically sick when I walked off. I thought people were going to think I'm so naff now, but the opposite happened. People thanked me for my authenticity… “Thank you for being honest, because what you were saying is what we feel inside, but we're too scared to say”. That experience and Brené Brown work inspired me to do a little event, which was called the “Vulnerability Project”. We got some people to share their stories of vulnerably. It was a sellout, people loved it and they wanted more, which is why I ended up doing the podcast.
Was there a time that you wanted to give up?
I've had some real low points. Nine and a half years ago I had chronic pain from an autoimmune condition, psoriatic arthritis. I was injured, my pelvis was inflamed and arthritic, it felt at time like my body was rotting. I was told I wouldn't be able to run and they had no idea how long for. I had two children and my second child was only five months old. I was completely burned out and I started suffering from postnatal anxiety and depression. Until then what had served me up to then was always being busy, I could never sit still. I saw a counsellor who asked me to consider mindfulness. I asked, “what's that?”. She described it to me but I didn’t get it. I went home and researched the word mindfulness. I thought it was really weird. I'm still wasn’t getting what this mindfulness thing was, being present, accepting what is without judgment and all that.
I happened to be sitting in a waiting room for an appointment and saw a flyer on a wall advertising an eight-week mindfulness course. I signed up immediately, being a good student as I am. What really got me to that point was, I was driving in the car, feeling totally burned out, physically exhausted, in pain - such mental anguish. I had always seen myself as a very resilient, strong person, but all of my go-to’s weren’t working. I was searching for something that would make me feel better. I didn't want to take antidepressants. I've got nothing against them, but I just didn't want to do that. I had to stop the car in a lay-by and I cried. I had two children in the back. My three year old was asking me what was wrong. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I'd been sucker-punched with a bowling ball in my stomach. I knew the way I was living and my life wasn’t working. I needed to do something different. That would have been my lowest point. Not my double hip replacement because of the mindfulness practice which has helped me. Through mindfulness and a lot of work on my general health, I’m in a good space now.
I've had little wobbles in my career where I wonder if I’m doing the right thing, when it seems like so much effort. What I've realised, it's just your mind, your thoughts and your feelings. Sometimes you're going to have funky days and they pass because. Nothing ever feels as low as it probably would have done in the past with mindfulness.
Were there any traps that you fell into?
The trap I have to be really aware of is comparison. I have a saying, “Comparisons is the thief of joy”. It's not my saying I stole it from someone else. Every time you compare yourself to other people and what they're doing, you’re not really celebrating what you have to offer and it's not helpful. I’m really aware of that comparison habit now and dampening down the ego. My ego got me into a position in my career where I had climbed the ladder and where people would have seen me as being successful, but I didn't feel successful. I took jobs I didn’t think I would like, because it was a really good position.
The traps that are always there in the corner for me are comparison, ego and being hard on myself. I always prided myself on being incredibly diligent and disciplined. If I was asked to do something, I’d aim to ace it, to overachieve, but that's what burned me out and exhausted me. Now I do a lot of work with my clients around “tender discipline”. Discipline requires you to be a disciple unto yourself. My view of discipline was more of a bootcamp instructor to myself. Now I am need much gentler, more tender.
If I put 50 things on my to-do list, there's no way I'm going to achieve it all this week and I'm going to feel rubbish. So I just take a few of those things off, I do a tender to-do list. I focus on what matters and also what really needs to be on there that's going to help me perform and feel better. We do an exercise on MBSR, which is called nourish and drain where I get people to write down everything that they do in a typical day, and then put an N or a D next to it, based on whether it nourishes or drains. It’s quite an eyeopener for people when they realise they have loads of D’s.
Work out how can you put more N’s in. And explore if some draining things could they be nourishing? For example, I saw my children as a drain. When I was working 50 or 60 hours a week and traveling all the time, I did see them as a drain, because I was exhausted. Now they are a point of nourishment play and presence to me. I feel good about the fact that I've seen that and I feel I’m a better parent because of it.
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What inspires and motivates you?
I get inspired and motivated about being of service and helping people, being the North Star and guiding people to the insights they have at the end of the eight week courses that I run. I’m moved by people's capacity to change in a positive way. I'm not an evangelist about this. I don't like to think I'm the secret ingredient, but if I can help people see that they have everything they need, then I find that really inspiring.
I've got people that I'm inspired by as well, Sharon Salzberg, Sebene Selassie, Vidyamarla Burch, who has been through real adversity, is in chronic pain and has brought so much of her gift to the world and really helped people. I’m uplifted by people who bring what they've got to say in a really non-judging, beautiful way and help others get insights. I get inspired by people who do that work and I'm also inspired by people in general. I've been doing a course recently around my creative ancestors, the people out there that really inspire me, dead or alive. Just spending time with other people's energy - I find that quite awesome. That's why I love doing the podcast. You'll be the same. You meet all these people. Everybody's a little bit different, but actually we've got way more in common than we have got different. We were in a society now that keeps focusing on the differences, but actually even in this pandemic we are so interconnected.
Can you describe a breakthrough that you're particularly proud of?
Right now I’m having a bit of a breakthrough. I have been putting a lot of time aside for self-inquiry. Out of that, I realised I need to have spaces in my life. I've always filled my life with lots of stuff. So the breakthrough has been dropping extra things, even in my business. I want to write a book and I need space to do that. Another breakthrough is being self-aware, so when I’m not feeling good, I’m aware, I enquire where it comes from and then don’t shoot from the hip.
A life-changing breakthrough was having my double hip replacement. It was such a physical violation of my body. They literally saw off the top of your hip bones. I had both done, in a four to five hour operation. I had to learn to walk again. I had to be really physically vulnerable and needed people to help me. I had three children, so I had to have people help me to be a mum. I couldn't drive anywhere. We had a nanny who drove me places. That was quite hard for me. I like to be the person that helps others.
I also had to be really patient in my healing and building myself up again. I've always gone at things, but I had to be patient. Within six weeks I was walking 10km again. After three months I climbed the Sydney Harbour bridge, but I did that through going really slowly. So that taught me, profound stuff happens when you go really slowly. Proper recovery was six months. I've got a very full life now. I thank God for modern medicine because bad arthritis is no fun. It's like having broken glass in your joints.
What do you see as being your biggest lesson?
I have had a recurring lesson. That lesson is tender discipline, to really look after yourself, to take time and space to sit and think. When I do emotional cultural workshops, I ask people, what are the top ways they want to feel and the things they don't want to feel in the workplace? What comes up every single workshop is overwhelm. No-one wants to feel it, but it's going to happen from time to time in the world, but definitely in the workplace. The mile-long to-do lists, the expectations. Everything's so fast paced and we've got really complex problems to solve in the world now. The only way we're likely to solve them is to create some space. It’s very rare people have spare days in their diary where there are no meetings. Time to just to sit and think.
I'm trying to get people to give themselves space for being, instead of doing. A lot of people are doers. There's nothing wrong with doing, but being is just being, we are human beings. Quite often, our being comes from our doing, and that was me ten years ago. My identity was Lotty the do-er. However, I realised, your doing should come from your being. Think about what your purpose is, what's important, what do you want to achieve, what impact do you want to leave? Life is short. I know it sounds so cheesy, because it is said over and over again, but it's actually true. Let your doing come from your being, rather than you being come from your doing.
Has your vision always been clear and how has it evolved?
My vision is constantly changing. When I started out my vision was covered with lots of layers, I couldn't see what it was, I was distracted from it. As I've gone through my career, building up the skills and being open to learning, I’ve managed to peel away the layers to what ss at the heart of everything that drives me. My vision is to be of service. I always wanted to help and be of service, but I probably had a skewed view of how to do that. Now I'm really clear that to be of service is not about doing stuff for people. It's about helping people to do stuff for themselves so that they suffer less and optimise who they are. Helping people to feel really good in who they are, not trying to be somebody else. For people to perform from their place.
Having reflected and gone back to when I was a 15, 20 and 25 year old, I think I've always had this desire and belief that I had an energy that could help people shift from being paralysed, stagnant and confused. I'm getting much closer to figuring out what I need to do or how that comes out of me - but it is not as a leader in a corporate role. I don't lead a large team anymore, but I’m still in the business of leadership. I want people to be leaders of themselves. We're all the CEO of ourselves. I'm helping people realise that, to get the lights turned on and everything fired up and working. For the benefit of themselves. But I’m realistic around that. Life's not always going to be fluffy. There's going to be some hard times, but you can again, surf through it.
What would you do differently if you had to start again from scratch?
I wish I had had an injection of self-awareness back in my twenties. That constant trying to be something else rather than being happy with what you've got or what you are. I would have not given myself such a tough time. I'm always feeling like I'm not cutting it, I'm not quite good enough, or I'm not quite getting to the bit I want to get to. So I think I would have been a lot gentler on myself.
I'm reading a small book called “The book of the human shadow”. It describes “the large bag we drag”. When we're born we are ourselves. Then as our parents say, “Don't kick your sister.. Don't do this.. Don't talk when other people are talking”, you start to hide bits of yourself in this bag because you think you shouldn't have them. By the time you get your twenties, you've got this huge bag you're dragging and you meet someone else who's got their own bag they're dragging. You are a sliver of what you were because all those parts of yourself, your shadow self, you put away. We all have a shadow side. The brighter the light, the darker the shadow. I think I would have emptied that bag much sooner. I think I'm gradually emptying it now. I’m accepting my own self. I don't do every day. I’ll still beat myself up sometimes, but I'll notice when I'm doing it.
Connect with Lotty
If you have enjoyed this article and want to start a conversation with Lotty, you can reach out on:
Website: mindyou.co.nz
Email: lotty@mindyou.co.nz
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/lottyroberts/
Instagram: @bionicyogini
Podcast: The Vulnerability Effect
Please don’t forget to tell Lotty that I sent you.
Interview and photography by Wellington Headshot Photographer, Tim Morrison (all rights reserved)